When my child was in his senior year, the very smart kid said he was not interested in college. This was not a kid interested in working with his hands. He had a passion for academics and learning. My response was to tell him that he would need to get a job and pay rent after high school.
Many people are helicopter parents and try to clear any problems for the kids. I have always worried about being one while also trying to be supportive. This was my baggage when I made those decrees. And they are not necessarily the wrong response.
However, my worries made my angry response. I saw laziness. It was not.
It was anxiety.
Something my child kept hidden, but struggled with as adulthood approached. What sounded like I won’t was really I can’t.
I looked at my struggles during my youth. It helped shaped me and made me stronger to go through them. I think it was different back then. Teens knew less and thus did not see the implications of failure. But for my child, it was the wrong response.
We worked things out and I got him help. He still deals with anxiety and it takes longer than I like. Not because I am impatient, but that I want happiness for my loved one.
Some people take on challenges. Some people like me grow through the challenges. Toughen up! Might work for some. Does it work for everyone?
No. For many young people it makes matters so much worse. Many people can say, I was thrown in the water and told to sink or swim. But how many people that got overwhelmed committed suicide or ruined their life with drugs and alcohol?