Tamar Cosgrove refused to look at her hand as it twitched on her knee. Against her lawyer’s advice, she had taken the stand. To face the jury that would decide her fate and demand they look her in the eye. It was what an innocent person did. She wanted to take the night back, of course. This woman who just turned twenty wanted to take her life back. These people were not about to let her. Now up on the stand, she was sure her eye contact looked immodest.

 The prosecuting attorney, Kenneth Pond, stood behind his table. “Your Honor,” he said with an edge to his voice, “I respectfully ask that the defendant be made to answer the question.”

“Is there an objection from the defense?” Judge Lewis asked to give Tamar a few moments to collect herself.

“No, your honor.”

 Lewis turned back to the witness stand. If only she had asked for a bench trial. In this community, it would have been difficult to find 12 people that did not have a negative opinion of Ms. Cosgrove, and her attorney had not tried that hard. “You need to answer the question, Miss Cosgrove.”

Tamar snuffled. She tried to answer quickly but couldn’t get air behind her words to push them out. The polished wood of the courtroom made her feel like she was in a casket. The air-conditioned air did not help. She wanted to wrap herself in her arms, but her lawyer said she could not fold her arms. It would send a message of worry to the jurors, the two rows of people who were all attentive for the first time in the trial. “I’ve been sexually active since I was fourteen.”

“Multiple partners?”

“Objection.” the defense attorney threw out. “Pertinence.”

“It goes towards characterization.” Pond had been ready.

“Overruled.” Judge Lewis wanted a prompt from the defense to make Pond ask for a specific number. Multiple sounded like a hundred, but it could be two. He decided that maybe the defense attorney would insinuate that in his closing arguments.Without sworn testimony of how many, it was possible that one juror would believe it was only two.

And yet, Lewis suspected that every member of the jury believed two partners were too many for an unmarried woman.

Tamar glanced at her attorney. A large, red-faced man who sat down like an avalanche. Instead of answering, she prayed that he or the judge would allow her to leave the stand. She wanted to shut down and wait for the whole court scene to go away. But her future could be worse than prison and she was not the only one that might have to live with what was done to her. Her voice faltered; she made herself look at the jury, so she did not look ashamed. “Yes.”

  Judge Lewis knew defiance was not a good way to appear to the jurors. Just as the multiple dots along her eyebrow from missing piercings would indicate waywardness to the jurors. Her attorney had given Tamar a frilly, conservative blouse to change out of her prison uniform. Lewis saw her slight build as she slouched on the stand and her dark hair falling over her face. Would the jurors see their own daughters up on the stand as he did? He did not think so.

 Pond’s shoes clacked as he walked up to the witness stand. “Ms. Cosgrove, we heard testimony from many others stating that you have used illegal narcotics in the past. That would be an accurate statement, correct?”

“I experimented-”

“Please answer yes or no.”

“Yes.”

“And you consumed alcohol, at least on a weekly basis? To the point of extreme intoxication?”

Judge rapped his gavel. “That is a subjective phrase, Counselor.”

 “I had a hard time qualifying falling down drunk, Your Honor.”

  “Enough.”

  “I apologize, Your Honor. Miss Cosgrove. So, you consume alcohol. Are you aware that it is illegal for someone under twenty-one to consume alcohol?”

  “Yeah. Everyone drinks. It’s not a big deal.”

  Pond took a moment for his jury to reflect on that while he stood with a slight smile. “Ms. Cosgrove, are you also aware that consuming illegal narcotics is a crime?”

 Tamar glanced at her attorney again. Mr. Pond leaned the pointed features of his face into her line of sight. “Yes, Miss Cosgrove. It’s like asking if my blue tie is blue, but that is the way the court works. So please answer my question.”

 She wanted to explain her regret. Tell the jury how much more there is than yes and no answers. Yes or no answers is a look from above and life comes at you head-on. She knew she was not allowed to explain though. “Yes.”

 “Thank you for answering. Something bad happened March 21^st, 2026. A crime happened 79 days ago. Your lawyer’s position is that you are the victim. However, your choices make you complicit in the crime. The drugs and alcohol you put in your body contributed to it. Moreover, you left your mother’s house with the intent-” He paused as if he couldn’t bring himself to finish his sentence.

“Objection.” Her attorney rose. “Is there a question coming? Or is Mr. Pond going to be allowed to tell us his story instead of the facts?”

“Sustained.”

 Miss Cosgrove saw her mistakes piled up for everyone in the courtroom. Lots of bad relationships and bad choices. Pond made them look like a pattern. But each guy and each relationship was a separate mean thing done to her. They began as a chance to get high and live life like an episode of Jersey Shore, but the mornings brought regret. Or it didn’t. Either way, she didn’t see how she deserved to be put through this. Yet, tagged and set out on a table for the jury was the case study of her life to tell her decisions had to have consequences.

 “Miss Cosgrove, please stand for the court.”

  She glanced at the judge. He nodded.

  The gallery was full but quiet, save for some random coughing. They waited. Even the court reporter looked up. Tamar stood then. The blouse her attorney provided was designed to obscure the baby bump. Yet, on Miss Cosgrove’s thin body, her thickening middle stood out.

“Thank you. You may sit down. Miss Cosgrove, you may feel you are on trial here, but you are not. Let me reassure you and remind the jury. We are only here to stop a potential crime.”

Not a person where profanities came to mind often, Judge Lewis heard the word bullshit in his head.

 “Miss Cosgrove, please tell the court what your intention is.”

 She wanted to scan the jury, but she stared at the floor. “I want an abortion.”

“You are aware, under Pub. Law. 113-4, the willful termination of an unborn human is unlawful except in case where the mother’s health is at risk, or a rape has been determined to be the cause. The Supreme Court has upheld this law by a decision of 12 to 3.”

   “I was raped.” The words came out quiet.

    “You say so now. Now that there are consequences. If it was rape, why did you not come forward right away? Why did you not call the police?”

  “I was afraid. I was ashamed.”

  “Ashamed of something that was not your fault? That does not make sense. Not at all.”

Tamar clenched her fists. She was back in Devin’s apartment. A small upper with sloping ceilings. Devin told her she was beautiful and then shut the door. He stepped closer and led her to the bed. She smelled his sweat and expensive, musky cologne on him and his bed. And then his weight was on her. She experienced his hands on her breasts and then-

 The judge could call a recess. Let her collect herself. The fact was though that her substance abuse and defiance influenced him as well.

 When Devin went to the kitchen to get his phone charger, the father of the baby growing inside her, she snuck out the door. Wandering the streets, she couldn’t figure out what part of town she was in. She walked with ripped clothing. As she did so, one sentence ran through her head, and she whispered it into the microphone before stumbling off the witness stand without being asked or stopped.

“It’s my fault.”

 Tamar Cosgrove buried her face in her hands and sobbed until Judge Lewis removed her from court. Many on the jury felt bad for her. However, they would listen to the ones who thought she was upset over her own guilt.