If I Didn’t Push You
by Jay Deitcher

If I didn’t push you to be at the top of your class, as though you didn’t put enough pressure on yourself, not sleeping for days, waiting for your grades to come in, thinking you failed although you never received less than an A-,

if your mother and I had gotten you early intervention,

if I didn’t nag you, about the books on your floor, about getting out of the house more, about watching too much Seinfeld, about playing Billy Joel too loud, about helping your mother vacuum, about sleeping for days,

if we called the police the moment you went missing instead of being embarrassed that our Adam ran away, again,

if I didn’t force you to get a job with that crooked lawyer who had no understanding about working with someone autistic,

if I let you stay in school…