There are two schools of thought when it comes to the poor and needy. Provide assistance and take care of people or tough love- let them suffer so that they grow into a person that does not need help   I do not believe either works.  I do believe people that suffer but grow are in the end, happier. I won’t argue that perhaps some children have too many roadblocks removed for them. However, too often people experience trauma and  develop maladaptive behaviors.

Tough love from a society or a government does not work.  Conservatives see all we do and think that we give to much to the poor. The important view here, though is how the people needing assistance see it.  I don’t believe they see it as a big gift.  I don’t think other people in the same position would either. For example, an African American on welfare see what?  They see the racism in the police force and in other places. They see that they are kept down.  No matter what color a poor person is, they will feel kept down and persecuted.  Anyone in that situation would. It is human nature.

It does not matter how you  (an outsider)  views it. 

However, the truth vs. perception argument is not what I want to address.  I just believe that they think they are already in a tough love environment. Without the love.

On the other hand, we have had welfare programs since Roosevelt. They have not cured the problems with poverty. I think this is because poverty is just so complicated.  We cannot just say it does not work.

So what to do?

I relate this to my working with special education students.  Years ago, I dealt with kids in a strict way. I always made sure to have positive interactions and feedback be the norm in interactions. However, we had rules and they needed to be followed and there were consequences.  We were adults so we had the final say and gave out consequences.

Over the years, this has fallen to the wayside. The pendulum has swung as we say in education. I continued to strive for a  positive environment but now with less consequences. Now I focus on preventing further trauma.  I see students succeed with this.  I saw them improve with tough love. In fact the kids often were thankful that someone was willing to stand up to them and say, enough. I care enough to give consequences.

However, The strict way did not lead to an intrinsic change.  It does not cause a long term change. I think the resentment came out in other ways.  And for some children, it did not work.

The encouraging way with less consequences has about the same success.  However, it works longer term.  Instead of weakening problems, it increases strength. It is certainly easier on everyone. It models how to get along and exist with less strife

Perhaps the success rate is the same with our nation’s people that struggle. A boost up will be no more successful than letting them struggle. (I think it would be).  

I believe interpersonal skills and emotional intelligence skills are the needed change interventions. Right now we cannot provide that because we are still on the welfare or not debate. 

As a nation, how do we want to be?  We want to nurture.  Even those saying tough love, would change their attitude if they had to see people suffer when they could stop it.